Rebel yell

Ok, now you know why I've waited so long to blog. My life is already an open book, why hide? The women in my women's class at church and the Jr. High youth know I've been struggling with rebellion. Yes, it's obvious it's part of our sin nature, but why? Where does that origin of rebellious not wanting to submit and conform come from. I think I finally figured it out. It's simply put: the self.

A rebel is defined as: to resist or rise against some authority, control, or tradition (I'm not suggestion I'm in rebellion against the governmental definition)

Rebellious is defined: simply being prone to rebel.

We are called as believers of Christ to die to self daily to do His will. For me that would be to get up in the morning and school my children and take care of them, my husband and the household. My struggle isn't that I don't want do these things. I do. I love my position and this time in my life. I'm just physically ailing. It's not even a mental thing. I'm physically tired. The Vitamin D treatment hasn't seemed to help. I'm tired of spinning my wheels trying to take care of myself so I can do the other things I'm called to do. It seems as though I'm dealing with a physical limitation, which I've never experienced before. If feels as if I'm diving off the diving board, but there's no water in the pool. With water you can at least float. I'm just laying flat on the dry pool bottom.

I keep searching for a reason that I can't manage what I'm called to do. Is it just too much for any one person? This is what my doctor says. He says only 5% of the population can do what do and handle it with ease. I'm just tired of being tired, and now being ill as well.